Archive for May, 2013

Stand up for your country

Saturday, May 11th, 2013

Copy and paste this below and read it please.

After reading this i think its time we stand up for our selfs. We are told what we can eat where we can smoke where we can drive where we can live, it will be what air we can breath next. Were is it going to stop ? It wont unless we stop it.

This country use to be a place when men and women stood up for what they believed in, but it seams on longer are we really spineless ?

Our fathers and there fathers and our mothers to stood up and defended this country so we could be free people, and have the right to live free. This now seams to be a waist of time.

We once again need to rise up and march on london not in anger but as one VOICE, and say enough is enough. We need to bring this country to a stand still until we get our basic rights back, to live where we want for as long as we want.



Why I Hate Religion! 47 Reasons That Will Send Me To Hell!

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

Because … I already feel guilty writing this column. … No one seems to remember that, unlike being gay, it’s a choice. … Eternal damnation in hell is held up as a scare tactic to make you behave the way the church wants.

You have to keep track of your sins and then humiliatingly recite them in a loud, crisp voice, so the priest doesn’t say, “Repeat that, please.”

The virgin birth put an impossibly high standard on the rest of us for all time. … The church blames internal pedophilia on gays, but then when gays get the right to marry in a healthy, adult, consensual way, the church vehemently condemns it. … The church urges us to be good citizens, but when gay marriage goes into law, they suddenly want people to buck the system. … The church reserves the divine right to further wreck lives by forbidding condoms and abortions.

Every Wednesday afternoon, I loathed being dragged out of school to go to catechism and be taught scary fairy tales by forbidding nuns. … Not enough proselytizers seem to have read the Bible all the way through, and even if they have, they relish picking out the supposedly hateful parts to make trouble with, twisting them for maximum effect. … Jesus is almost always portrayed as someone out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue because, after all, if you advocate peace, love, and humble values, you have to look like a supermodel.

The founding dis of Christianity—”No room at the inn”—is the church’s favorite thing to tell people who don’t measure up. … “Love the sinner, but not the sin” is so deeply patronizing. Take all of me, baby. … If a non-priest walked around in the same garments and accessories as a clergyman, he’d be labeled a sicko and a degenerate. … The Radio City Christmas extravaganza stopped inviting me. … They falsely accuse gays of trying to convert children, but outside a church in Greenwich Village, there’s a sign asking, “Have you introduced your children to God? Let us help.”

Most religions contradict one another as to who God is and what He stands for. (How can they all be true? I’m guessing none of them are.) … Politicians—including our president—have invoked it as a reason for their beliefs on civil rights issues! (Whatever happened to the separation of church and state? Why should our leaders’ alleged religious values affect my status as a tax-paying citizen?) … An open atheist would have no chance whatsoever of making it to the White House.

Actors who regularly drink, drug, cheat, and do it up the ass shamelessly thank God when they win an award. … Broadway musicals about Jesus keep getting revived at the same time. Which to choose? … The Mormon musical is more fun than the Catholic one. That’s so wrong! … Mormons long ago made the bold move to quit polygamy, but nowadays they spend much of their time trying to stop gay monogamy.

Atheists who get old and face the threat of death suddenly believe in a divine being. … Losers who pray for a parking space occasionally get one and shriek, “It works!” … Some people I know who piously visit places of worship on a regular basis spend the rest of the week being bitchy, negative, and judgmental. … A handful of extremists in each religion come to represent the whole religion to a terrified populace.

All that supplicating and kneeling is bad for one’s ego (not to mention posture). … I don’t trust anyone who claims to have a direct hookup to a supreme power. I don’t even have international calling. … When something good happens, we thank God’s great generosity. When something bad happens, it’s our fault. … Most religions scoff at Scientology as hogwash, as if to say, “Stick to our batch of fiction, not theirs!” … Liberal religious people must not have powerful enough agents; they never seem to get airtime.

Religion hated me first. … Americans I’ve met who co-opt Buddhism do so as a self-advancement program more than a religion, exclusively chanting for money and promotions. … Producers who’ve told actors they look “too Jewish” have caused scores of noses to be cut off to spite their faces. … I have to be friends with people who killed my Jesus. … For Jews, the three weeks between the 17th of Tammuz and Tisha B’av are a mourning time when celebration and many other forms of activity are minimized. But most accidents happen at home!

Too many religious holidays are about fasting, denial, and abstinence. You come to dread these special days. … And yet, when Christ’s birthday gaily comes along every year, all that gratuitous gift giving and forced merriment ups the suicide rate. … Many Republicans scorn Shia Muslims for being oppressive to women, forgetting that they’re anti-gay, too. … God tells people to vote against gays, but did He also tell them to go to Chuck E. Cheese’s or see Transformers?

The architecture and songs are always really good, but they’re hard to enjoy with all that guilt attached. … Religious theme parks are usually way too brown. … The coffee grounds on my counter once almost formed a portrait of the Virgin Mary, but it wasn’t a strong enough resemblance to charge visitors to see.

The Hindus have literally millions of gods and goddesses. There is barely time to worship them all, let alone pick one of the three favored roads toward salvation. … There’s no guidebook on how it all works in actuality (e.g., how do you find your dead loved ones in heaven? Do you just float around, figuring you’ll eventually run into them, since you’re there for eternity? And I do mean you.)

But the thing I hate the most is that I happen to have met some religious people who aren’t petty or bigoted at all, and that tends to annoyingly get in the way of a lot of my theories. Amen.

70 years old

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
A 79-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count
as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and
bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day the 79-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s
office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the
previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc,
it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then
with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between
her knees, but still nothing..’

The doctor was shocked!

‘You asked your neighbor?’

The old man replied,

‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’

police dog

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink..

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, ‘Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?’

The blonde said it was hers.

‘Your dog seems to be in heat’ the officer said.

The blonde replied, ‘No way. She’s cool ’cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’

The policeman said, ‘No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’

‘No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this mornin.’

The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!’

(Your gotta love this)

The blonde looked at the cop and said, ‘Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.’

More funnys

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
This asshole Girl looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, “Is that Corona or Bud?”
I said, “There’s a tap underneath. Taste it and find out.”
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you ‘d look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
“Really” she said, “Go on then…try.”
After about thirty seconds of fondling her nipples she began to lose patience and said.
“Come on, what day was I born”?
I said, “Yesterday.”

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, “Nice legs.”
The girl giggled and said with a smile, “Do you really think so.”
I said “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. ”

A few funnys

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
My gay mate, who is dyslexic, couldn’t wait for February 14th. He thought it was Vaseline day.

People should lay off Lance Armstrong I think what he achieved was amazing… When I was on drugs I couldn’t even find my bike!

After seeing the Swansea ball boy keep possession of the ball for more than 10 seconds Aston Villa have made a bid of £20 million for him.

My slow witted mate got sacked from his job at B&Q for knocking out an African woman. I think he needed more training when instructed to ‘go and find a Black and Decker’!!

Just watched the Lance Armstrong interview again. He lied to us so much and for so long I’m starting to doubt he landed on the moon at all.

Bradford city have announced that cup final ticket prices will start at 60 Rupees each and are limited to 40 per household.

After the horsemeat scare an old Irish Lady called Tesco’s customer services and complained her Risotto has gorilla in it. The matter was quickly resolved when the assistant explained the photo on the box was Ainsley Harriot.

I called in sick today and told the manager ‘the doctor says I have anal blindness. ‘What is that he asked’ I said I can’t see my ass coming into work today.

I’m starting to take this drink driving thing seriously now . Left the car in the pub car park last night & took the bus home. Quite proud of myself really, I’ve never driven a bus before.

My mate Paddy rang me and said he’s just got this bargain coat from House of Frazer. Originally it was £400 but he got it for just £25. He said it was supposed to be slightly imperfect but he’s had a look all over and the only thing he can find is one sleeve slightly longer than the other two!

Two deaf people

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can’t see each other using sign language). After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposed a solution.

“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. And if you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis … fifty times.”

A Greek man

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
A Greek man was at work talking to his mate about his sex life with his wife who he had been happily married to for 40 years.

“Every night, we make soft, sensual, passionate love to each other mate. It’s beautiful I tell ya.” He says “I love my wife so much and I could never cheat on her, but ya know mate, every night it’s the same thing. We lovingly caress each other and slowly make sweet love to each other. I tell ya, it’s the most beautiful thing ever but I’d just like a change after 40 years of the doing the same thing”

His mate says “Well, have you ever thought of… You know, rolling her over and trying the other hole”

The Greek man was really shocked by this “What! and get her pregnant?!?!”

Three blondes

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Toronto Police Force.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So you all want to be cops, huh?”

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth.”
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
“Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”
The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did, he has only one eye!”
The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”
“Yes! He only has one ear!”
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!”
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,”This is probably a waste of time, but…” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”
The blonde said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.
“The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

Why are there hypocrites in the church?

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

If you dislike hypocrisy in the church, you have a lot in common with Jesus! Christ soundly denounced hypocrisy (Matthew 23).

Yes, there is sometimes hypocrisy in the church, for two reasons. First, some people professing to be Christians are not! There are some people sitting in pews on Sunday, wearing crosses around their necks, or preaching loudly on TV that are counterfeits. They are participating outwardly for reasons other than a saving relationship with Christ as their Lord and Master. Many have allowed the culture to mold them, rather than the reverse, as Christ commanded.

But secondly, the imperfections of Christians reinforce the important truth of the biblical message about man’s sinful nature. Being a sinner is, you might say, a requirement for being a Christian!

Yet there is a distinction between a hypocrite and a sinner. The word hypocrite applies to a person who pretends to be something he is not. A Christian recognizes his sinful nature, acknowledges it, and repents of it (daily, even hourly). All hypocrites are sinners, but not all sinners are hypocrites.

Christian morality is the purest, most sublime in all of history. Indeed, it is the perfect morality. While history records abusers of Christianity, one should not judge Christianity by such charlatans. Answers for the world’s problems is not to turn away from Christianity, but to a deeper, robust Christianity.

The opponents of Christianity like to point to things in history such as the Crusades, the Inquisition, or the Salem Witch trials. Dinesh D’Souza shows that these arguments against Christianity are much overblown. Regarding the Inquisition, about 2,000 people were killed over 350 years. Historian Glenn Sunshine in his book Why You Think the Way You Do points out that the worst abuses in the Inquisition were conducted by the civil government rather than the church. Concerning the Salem trials, fewer than 25 were killed. The Crusades were largely a defensive stand by Christians against invading Muslims, not unlike the U. S. war against the Taliban and Al Queda in Afghanistan resulting from 9/11.

While these deaths are tragic, they pale in comparison to atrocities by atheists. In the twentieth century alone over 100 million people were murdered by their own atheistic governments—Stalin, Mao, Hitler, Pol Pot, etc. (The Black Book of Communism estimates that 94 million people were killed in Communist states. Other estimates range as high as 160 million from atheist governments in the twentieth century.) And these numbers do not include additional millions put into the gulag or forced labor or reeducation camps. All told, the number of deaths by atheists in just the span of few decades in the twentieth century are over 500 times more than those to be by alleged Christians over several hundred years.

In Communism/atheism human rights do not exist. The idea of human rights is unique to biblically based cultures because the Bible insists that all men are made in the image of God and because Jesus died a sacrificial death to save all men. All that matters in Communist ideology is the historical dialectic leading to utopia.

Note this. Any Christian who commits evil of any kind is operating contrary to the teachings of Jesus. But anyone who commits evil in the name of atheism is acting consistent with the Darwinian law of the survival of the fittest.

As stated by authors Boa and Moody, it is unwise to compare the life of one believer with the lives of others. It is more valid to compare what he is now with what he was before coming to Christ.

But being a Christian really does not mean being related to a set of rules whereby we can measure self-improvement. Ultimately, Christianity really stands or falls on the person of Jesus, not the performance of Christians. We worship the perfect Christ, not imperfect Christians.